black-bunny
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The wounded heart's deafening
take it from me
this luminous cross I bear
this thing I am loathe to leave
I have no belief, no faith,
and no one to follow me.
�
The weekend was good. Thursday�s rockabilly show was great, with a great crowd and so many people that I know. After the show, we all ended up at the Dom for a �night cap�, which included arm-wresting, me punching Godboy repeatedly, and the confirmation that a leopard can�t change his spots.�
Mez got a bunch of people together to throw Godboy a surprise birthday party on Friday. It was very much a surprise considering that his birthday is actually in December, but is completely overshadowed by xmas.
When I spoke to Godboy the following Sunday, he was still surprised. Dazed I guess you could say.
Also, I saw �Ron Burgundy � Anchorman� Saturday and laughed until I almost passed out. I love Brick, even if he has an IQ of 48�
Later that night I got together with Alex at the Dom, I didn�t even have a beer, I just listened to him chat about covered up documentation of rampant zombie attacks all over the world.
Last night, DannyBoi and I went to Mod night, only to find out that our friendly bartender will be leaving this city for the �greener pastures� of TO. I�m not sure if the pastures are greener, it may just be the air�
�
I feel terrible today. Not hung-over, I was a good girl, I had only three drinks, and only one of those I bought myself� and only out of pure habit. I have to cull my drinking, if only for the simple fact that there are a number of shows that I am attending this month and it would be financial suicide to get licked at every show. Also, it�s a matter of health. I can drink like a sailor, but my hang-overs are legendary and make me cry like a little girl.
No, what is afoot is something of a mental matter, I fear. Perhaps even spiritual. Some big things happened this week, some small things as well.�
All are things that make me want to find comfort. But there is a catch, as always. The thing that I want to do is likely to cause me more discomfort in the long run.
Short-term relief vs. long-term security.
There is a part of me that believes that I have to learn how to find comfort within myself. And to think and read that sounds perfectly reasonable and healthy. I worry, though, that I may just find myself bitter and lonely instead. Believing that one ought to find all that one needs within oneself can lead one to mistakenly believe that others can�t possibly empathize, and cannot be relied upon.
I battle that everyday. I could tell someone how I feel and what I fear, but would I be laying my problems on someone else? Is the act of venting just a way to get another to shoulder your problems. Does �spilling your guts� just enable you to avoid dealing with the situation.
Too many temporary fixes = long term problem.
I�m definitely a short-term fix kind of gal, and I want to change that, but I�m also a person of extremes (at times) and I fear I�ll go from blubbering at every opportunity to becoming an ice queen.
It�s seems like there is never an in-between.
But you rain,
you reign over my heart
Everything
(Claire voyant - Pieces)
9:59 a.m. - 2004-07-19
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
previous - next
|
|
|
|
|
|