black-bunny ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sittin' on a night train, chewin' on a jelly roll... These days, if it�s not accessible via the internet, I�m not doing it. Well, that�s not entirely true, but if it�s shopping or communicating, the internet is how it�s getting done. �Course, with the holiday season fast approaching, you�d think that I was going shopping for my friends and family. In a word, no. No, with the holidays coming, my malaise about my life is sneaking up on me. It�s so clich�, it�s pathetic. But, this time I plan to nip that right in the bud. I�m about to purchase a book about simple living, and perhaps another about managing money. Been doing that quite a bit, this on-line ordering. This should be the last for a little while though. At least for moi. Gifts for others are just fine. I�ve got this resolution that I�ll not spend more than $20 per person this year. �Course, I have lots of friends to buy for� hm. So why the on-line activity? Back on the night shift you see. This world, this city isn�t really made for folk like me. My schedule doesn�t really allow a lot of room for those million little mundane things we all do day to day. When I do something mundane, I have to plan my evening around it, even something as simple as shopping and cooking a meal. It gets to be quite an event. The only time I have hours of free time is the weekend. And Friday night is usually a write-off completely. One; I like to sleep in, two; I really have to get my arse in gear if I want to go out and get drunk. And, well, everyone starts drinking as soon as they can, seeing that it�s Friday, which means I�m usually hammered after being awake for little more than five hours. It�s wonderful really. What further complicates the matter, is the fact that I do not have a license. Things like 24-hour grocery/hardware/office supply/book stores, or a good cup of coffee are all far, far away. And there isn�t even such a thing as a 24 hour post office� Yes, my �commandes� list can get epic in proportion, otherwise I can look forward to paying a small fortune in shipping costs, taxis, and tipping the delivery guy. So why the books? How good of you to ask! (heh) My attempts at restructuring my life into some kind of sensible philosophy or, at the least, put it back on some sort of path, have been lame at best. I really have no idea what I�m doing. None. Life�s dropped some great things onto my lap, perhaps because it was what I truly desired, perhaps because I worked hard at it, or perhaps for no gawddamned reason. But they're there, and it�s time I do something with it. This is where the book comes in. You see, I�ve rarely, if ever have had an original thought. Though I am artistic, and talented in a variety of ways, I have yet to really create anything. Everything I have ever done has been a variation of something that I have seen or heard of. Don�t worry. This is not some confession from a person whose been a fraud all her life. I don�t think I have ever claimed to be original, clever, or creative. I�ve always known this limitation about me. I didn�t inherit that trait from anyone. What I am, though, is an incredible mimic. If I lived in a foreign land, I�d have one of those weird accents that no one could place as being from one particular area. My mannerisms are easily influenced and changed by another�s. I assimilate, blend in the best I can, and sometimes am little more than an echo. This doesn�t bother me in the slightest. I know that there are folks out there who�ll argue �til they are blue in the face about whether or not there is even such a thing as original thought. I do not care. Let the philosophers, theologists, psychologists and people who have the time, argue about this. What I do best is what I plan to with this book. Read about how other people think about the world, adapt it to my life, while making all the changes that will give it that personal touch, that �me-ness�. My whole life has been about �trying it on and seeing how it fits�. I suppose this is what many people do. Read things, hear things and make these bits of information fit their life. I am, however, a person who needs to announce things, say it out loud, even if I�m the only one listening. In fact, it�s probably better that way. Like right now, I should be studying French. It�s something I need to do. But instead, I�m here, writing to you, cher ami. At least I�m also doing laundry. Thank heavens the laundry room is open 24-hours a day. Speaking of, time to put everything in the dryer� Ta! 6:37 a.m. - 2004-11-22 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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