black-bunny

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I don't know

I don�t know.

I�m really tired, here at work. I shouldn�t be, but I really, really am.

Sure, I only got to be in bed somewhere after 1 pm, but that�s ok. I slept until 8:15 pm, only 15 minutes before I was supposed to leave for work� but that�s ok, being half an hour late is fine so long as I get all my work done.

Why bed so late? Well, doctor�s appointment for a variety (as always) of issues, namely my allergy-prone skin. Also, Sir wanted that I accompany Him on an errand and have lunch with Him.

So, I did. I seriously thought about bailing, thinking that I should have the right to sleep as soon as possible� and I do. But it occurred to me that He routinely stays up way past his own bedtime to spend time with me, so it�s only fair that I do the same. The timing for it couldn�t have been better either, because my girl Dannyboi wasn�t going to be home until later anyway, so I wasn�t missing out on spending time with her.

So it all worked out in the end.

But still, I�m tired.

But I don�t think it really a question of being physically tired.

I�m feeling weary.

I really want a vacation.

Really.

I want some time in my brain, I need to do some spring cleaning. Lots of things have happened over the last couple of months. Lots of good stuff, but still, I�d like a chance to breathe, mull over things and make sure I�m cool about everything before I make anymore commitments.

There is still another romantic opportunity I want investigate, but I can�t seem to get my shit together enough to do anything about it.

Romantic? Is that the word I should be using?

Sexual? Intimate?

Fuck it, romantic will have to due for now. I can�t be buggered to figure out what best defines what�s going on.

Whatever it�s called, it feels really nice whenever I think about it, and that�s what matters.

Aside from the really nice things that are happening, there are some not-so-nice-things that are on my heart and mind.

Like the very sudden and unforeseen (to me) demise of my friendship with Godboy, at his hand, no less.

That one has still left me kind of spinning. I just don�t understand how that came about. I guess that�s part and parcel of the situation.

And little birds whisper in my ear about him�

I can�t really feel the pain, I�m just very, very angry.

Which obviously means I�m very, very hurt.

Oh well. I cannot and should not do anything about that. It was his decision. So be it.

I just wish that once I realized something was hopeless that I could turn off whatever emotions were associated with it. That way I wouldn't really think about it so much.

And thinking about it stresses me out, which means I need more distraction, which means I socialize more, which means more cool stuff happens, which means I have more to think about, which means� I need a vacation.

I really need a vacation.
�

3:20 a.m. - 2005-03-10

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