black-bunny ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Used to be... It used to be that when I got these mood swings, it would gall me because they seemingly had no reason to occur. Now, when my mood swings, I'm galled because of the reason they occur. Mourning your mother's death sucks hard. Real hard. I've pretty much given up. I thought I could mourn in a tidy fashion. Shed a tear here and there, in private, in bed alone or in the company of a good, trusted friend. But no. Instead, I broke down here at work. Yes, my little oasis, no longer safe from the things that creep after me. And of course He called. He asked how I was and I said terrible and He said He was on His way, but did I want that He come sooner than later and all I could manage to say was that I really couldn't say one way or another. So instead of keeping Him safe from me, I broke down and cried on His shoulder. In front of His daughter who I've only met once. In front of co-workers who I don't even think know what I'm so upset about. I've given in. I'm letting this tide take me where ever it is that it wants to take me. 4:20 a.m. - 2005-10-19 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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