black-bunny

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*le sigh*

Goodness me, I am exhausted today. I slept well, slept sound, but my dreams were exciting, with me running around like the white rabbit �I�m late, I�m late!�

Just a reflection of my excitement/apprehension over the coming weekend.

Excitement because I�ll be in Toronto and I will be at the Rue Morgue Horror Con. Then later that night, I will be dancing my little butt off at the Haus o� Fun.

Apprehension because, like always, I worry that it�ll all suck.

Can�t help it, I�m just like that. Born worry wart, through and through.

Yesterday, a (friend/acquaintance/?) called to get together for coffee. He had a proposition for me. He wanted to get together for some �play time�.

I could not get over the fact that my very, very first instinct was to say �no�.

And that was my answer as well.

How far things have come� What was once almost-compulsive behavior no longer is.

I�d say my libido has wandered off to greener pastures, but somehow that isn�t it.

Things have just� changed for me.

Not vastly different, just a better perspective. Like when I put on my glasses.

And it�s not like these are conscious efforts I�m making, no, these are my instinctive reactions, my impulses.

They�ve changed. I thought that only happened when brain chemistry changed.

Maybe my brain has?

Weird. Maybe those meds I took have a long term effect.

Oh man. What a life.

And DannyBoi mentioned how everyone could use some new booty. And I said �Yes, some new (GOOD) booty would be nice.�

But to be honest, I�d settle for some good old fashion kissy-kissy.

Booty seems like a tall order. Maybe even a little daunting.

If you can imagine, I�m even developing a bit of a crush on someone. Perfectly innocent of course, and highly unlikely to develop into anything. Just a few thoughts here and there that make me smile.

Of course, what I do have to do is make sure I don�t get drunk around this person and blurt out that I�m crushing on them.

No, no. None of that please.

So, internet, is it a boy? Is it a girl? Oooo the questions that stem.

This last year, I dealt with my very first crush on a girl. Mad little thing that was. Not her, the crush.

And so, now just about anyone is game! Crushes all around please!

Don�t get me wrong, I miss, I miss much. And it�s not like I�ve been able to find my misplaced confidence. Still much to fix, to repair.

In spirit of that thought:

Your life will always be unfinished business, Virgo. From now until the day you die many years hence, you will be a work in progress. There will never come a time when you have everything figured out. I urge you, therefore, to find a way to feel at peace with this incompleteness - or better yet, to love and celebrate it. Luckily for you, the coming weeks will bring you some of the sweetest, juiciest imperfections ever.

Funny, I was thinking that a few months ago.

I am trying to find peace in that. It goes against everything I taught myself to believe, but hey, I�ve been wrong before.

Wait� juicy imperfections? Hey, don�t tell me my new haircut I�m getting today will be a fuck-up! Won�t be too pleased with that!

No, I won�t fret about that� I�m sure that darling girl will do a wonderful job.

Today I scour the dollar store for the gaudiest shade of red blush. It�ll make the best eyeshadow.

I�ve even purchased fake lashes to practice with, for NorthBound.

I�ve been in my head too long, I need to focus on the outer me, the part I�ve been ignoring until late.

I can�t remember the last time I felt really pretty. I�m a girl, I need these things.

I�m going back to bellydancing classes next month, with my former instructor. DannyBoi couldn�t understand why I was concerned that my style of dancing has changed too much.

I�ve forgotten my repertoire of moves, and only bellydancing feels like you�re stretching and dancing and the same time. It�s like a lubricant for my joints.

Ok, enough of this. I�ve droned on about some rather trivial things. Time to move on.

Have a good weekend kiddies!

1:37 p.m. - 2004-08-27

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