black-bunny
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Life is life, la la la la!
Life is funny. Not funny ha-ha, just funny-odd.
Try as I might, imagining where I�ll be at in � let�s say � six months, is
absolutely impossible. Things seem to turn at the flip of a switch, a sideways
glance, a soft-spoken word and the smallest of gestures.
Just when I accept the idea that there are some needs I won�t ever have met,
there falls into my lap not one, but two wonderful opportunities. Each one
specific for a part of me that needs and wants it so badly.
These things seem to happen when I�m at my lowest. Somehow, when I�m feeling
the most vulnerable, when I�m at my most weak and I�m set to give in, there is
this reprieve. A tiny blossom that saves my psyche, and I get to spend the rest
of my time in awe, watching a wonderful thing grow.
Maybe there is a sublime beauty in suffering.
Today, I got roses for St. Valentines Day. Completely and wholly unexpected.
Two beautiful long stemmed affairs, one blood red, the other a pale violet.
Stunning. Just stunning. I came across them just as I was leaving the house,
sitting there in the door way. I really couldn�t believe it, I just looked at
them at the ground for a while. Finally, when the haze cleared a little I
picked up the box and brought it over the couch.
I opened the box, and even though I�ve never seen His writing, I immediately
knew who it was. My heart just melted. I was a puddly mess, there in the
living room, touched beyond compare. The card made me swoon, I ran it across my
cheek, thinking how His hand had touched it, I pressed it to my lips, held it
against my chest.
I�m such a fucking romantic, it�s sick.
In the end, I had to find someplace to put these lovelies. I only have one
vase, and in it there were all the roses that Godboy had given me.
I picked them out of the vase, and put them in the garbage.
No more dead things for me.
12:23 a.m. - 2005-02-15
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