black-bunny
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Oh lordy
Back on the night shift. Oh, this feels so good.
- But -
I am insanely exhausted. I thought that I had done well Sunday night/Monday
morning, I got to bed for 5 am and read until it was light out. But I only
caught a few hours of sleep.
I made the often repeated mistake of mixing alcohol and caffeine. I spent a
majority of time in bed with the jitters. Of course, these jitters translate to
anxiety, which means I often mistakenly look for some emotional reason behind my
over-stimulated state. I�ve become somewhat disciplined, telling myself that
there is nothing I should be analyzing, but old habits die hard. Sometimes it�s
twenty minutes before I realize what I�m doing.
With that said: there is something that has found it�s way under my skin.
Evileddy has decided to reappear.
And as much I have tried, I can�t seem to shake this queasy feeling.
Ever been in someone�s presence and within seconds you remember all the reasons
why you didn�t get along?
It�s enough that I have to conceal my shudders.
It�s all so very strange.
�
I was a perfect mope this evening. Godboy came by at dinner time, he and
DannyBoi were to see Alice Cooper. They were both pretty stoked about it, and I
was happy for them, but I couldn�t shake my mood.
Then Godboy did something very nice. I was doing dishes, and he came up to me
and asked if I was ok, I mumbled something about Sunday night, and that I was
feeling messed up. Then he stood behind me and put his arms around me and laid
his head on my shoulder. I leaned back and put my head on shoulder. He held me
for a little while, gave me the chance to take a few deep breaths. I gave him a
peck on the cheek, and straightened up.
I could have died like that. It�s been so long since I�ve had any comfort. I
miss it.
I know I�m a strong person, I�ve weathered a lot, but now and then, I feel like
my knees will give out and I�ll never get back up again.
Shifting that weight, if only for a few moments, to someone else can be the
greatest relief.
�
I�m starting to feel that �bone weary� stage of the switch over. I hope I pass
through it smoothly, I really don�t want to spend the next 3 weeks in a
zombiefied state.
So much that needs to be taken care of, and right now, all I can think of is bed.
Just three more hours to go�
3:23 a.m. - 2004-10-05
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